Parenthood (part 1 of 1 billion)

Yesterday at the dinner table I found myself a little overwhelmed. This happens sometimes when I allow myself to really think about the day-to-day responsibilities that Dan and I have as parents.

When I began this journey into motherhood I realized that I wanted my child (then just one) to feel that they really had no worries other than doing well in school, getting homework done, picking out what to wear and some fun activities that would keep them moving and healthy and overall just being a kid. This meant that I would be responsible for laundry, cleaning, planning and cooking healthy/balanced meals, cleaning up after meals, making and keeping appointments, driving all over God's creation to bring them to appointments and activities most every day of the week. Parenting also includes the opportunity to hang out with the kids for family time to help teach them that it's actually ok and pretty fun to hang out with your family. So...we dedicate every waking minute of our days to the kids and somewhere in between we find time to work so we can pay the bills and sleep.

Recently I have been having a mental block when it comes to menu planning which then makes cooking far less fun for me. If I don't have a plan for dinner than my day gets a little chaotic. A menu allows me to plan what to thaw, cook ahead and what I need to do immediately when I get home from work to get things going so we eat at a reasonable hour. I know it sounds like strategic planning for special ops and maybe I am feeling a little dramatic about it all but...again, feeling a little overwhelmed. I have one child who wants to eat nothing but fried, fast, fat filled and preservative filled foods. I can't seem to change this no matter how hard I try. I have consulted nutritionists, pediatricians and the like. I know all about the division of responsibility when it comes to providing the healthy/balanced foods and let her making her own choices but hey, what the heck do you do when she chooses NOTHING and just simply won't eat? I figure...well, she'll be starving and she'll have to eat but noooooo...she won't eat anything unless it's a quick and easy night and we're having take-and-bake pizza or if there is bread with dinner or some fruits.
It gets hard to keep "sneaking" veggies into things when she won't even eat the things I "sneak" them into.

This is the part that has gotten me overwhelmed as a parent. We work hard to make sure that our children have no worries and that they simply have to do a few weekly chores and occasionally feed/water the dog and let her outside after she has been whining at the door for awhile. We sit to the table after I have spent a LOT of time on dinner only to have one (or three) children push their food around on their plate and eat nothing only to ask for something else. Now, I will not prepare a second meal for these children, they now have a choice between yogurt, fruit or a bowl of cereal that they must get themselves. Am I the only person who is going crazy because of this behavior?

I feel like such a horrible mom when I get overwhelmed and wonder what is wrong with me that I can't do it all and do it all with a smile on my face all the time?

I realize that having all of these children wasn't supposed to be easy and if my mother were alive she would tell me "Rachel, no one ever promised you fair!" These things ring through my mind regularly but  I sure wish it felt a little easier some days, not that I want someone to do it for me but rather I just want it to come a little easier for me all the time!

As I sit here and take time to do one thing that makes me happy (blogging) that takes time away from the family I have one child behind me hurrying me a long so she can check her e-mail. Ugh! I guess some day I'll figure it all out and by then they will all be moved out and have children of their own (THANK GOD FOR SMALL FAVORS!!!!!!!).

So onward towards another day of motherhood! Tonight I am making pigs in a blanket with tater tots so EVERYONE will eat. YUCK! I'll throw a salad and some fruit in to make me happy!

Happy parenting!