Not the same

If there were anything I could try to explain to folks that we know that have never lost a child it would simply be...we will not be the same...we will in fact never be the same as we were prior to May 15, 2010. We are completely different people with an entirely new outlook on life and an entirely new set of priorities.

There are many that seem to be "waiting" for something to snap or for some signal that we will return to "our old selves" and I must let you know that whatever you are waiting for will never happen.

We are forever changed and as much as sometimes we miss our "old", "normal" selves we won't be going back to that.

There are many friendships that do not withstand the loss of child. Hell there are many relationships/marriages that do not withstand this loss. Fortunately it has drawn Dan and I closer and it has helped for Zach and I to better co-parent Morgan as well.

It's so apparent at times that people are hoping and waiting for us to be our old selves and I am here to let you know that it's not going to be the way it was so I hope for those of you that feel strongly enough you will understand and continue to be our friends in this new life of ours. I can only assure you that it will be like an entirely new and different friendship and it is okay if you decide that this new friendship is not for you. We understand, we empathize and we realize the differences too but we are not sorry for them, we cannot be made to feel guilty about them and we have embraced these differences/changes to be part of our life without Maryah's physical presence.

Please do not mistake these changes as an intentional rudeness or alienation it just simply is who we are and forever will be going forward. I am only sorry that you may feel hurt feelings or misunderstanding of what it truly is.

Just know that some days we long deeply for the way "it used to be" too and it is equally a hard loss for us as well.

We are ever appreciative of our friends and folks that have shown much love and support. I can never ever thank you and show that appreciation enough. We fully understand the depth of your giving and how if not for many of you we wouldn't be where we are today. I hope you also understand that with these changes to our inner being that we have never lost that appreciation or love for all of you.

Thank you for reading, for trying to understand and to get a glimpse of our family today.