Cemetery Humor

I am sure you are thinking "cemetery humor" really? This woman has lost her gourd! Not really...just a little more dark humor.

So Dan and I took the boys to the cemetery this past weekend. The girls were at their other parents for the weekend so Dan and I use the time to get a lot of our chores done and things we don't otherwise get a lot of time to do.

On this particular day we wanted to go "visit" Maryah and Nick wanted to tell her about his b-day gifts, etc. We wanted to take some measurements of her head stone for a project we're working on as well. In the process of visiting and watering her flowers Nick announced with a sense of panic that he had to go potty. This seems to be an increasing issue with him that he waits until the absolute last moment before he will go. Well, given there is no bathroom available at the cemetery we felt the tree very near by would suffice. I should tell you that the tree is about two feet from the fence between the cemetery and a very busy street.

Dan told Nick to face the tree with his back to the street. This would have been appropriate however Nick has learned how to pee sitting down so he really has no idea how to discreetly pee standing up (we are absolutely going to be working on this talent from here on out). So Nick dropped his shorts to his ankles and proceeded to try and do his thing. When I saw this I was still standing near Maryah's stone and about five or six feet from Nick so I hadn't really noticed that his bare ass was exposed for everyone driving down the street to see. I can only imagine what people were thinking as they were driving by the CEMETARY where there is a young boy with his bare ass hanging out! This started me laughing and I ran over to Nick to stand behind him and try to give him some direction.

Now, I must inform you that I really have no idea how this works. I am the mother of girls first and I clearly know how lady parts work but knowing this and not a thing about how boy parts really work I have no clue that the urine will not simply just run down his legs covering his shorts and shoes. I have now tried to pull his feet backwards while leaning him forward and at this point he is all squirmy because he was trying to hold it for what seemed like forever. Finally Dan just yells "My God woman just let him pee already!" That was all it took and there you have it...PEE shooting out of a tator tot that could have reached the fence two feet away! How was I to know this is how it works!?!?! I was laughing hysterically and had now fallen to the ground where I was rolling around in the grass trying to stay away from where Nick was peeing (for what seemed like 30 minutes). I looked up only to see an older woman walking toward us obviously in complete shock, when I proceeded to break out into uncontrollable laughter. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't gain composure for the life of me. Nick was now laughing, Dan was hiding his face pretending he didn't know us when I realized Nick was now standing by me with his pants still down and his penis completly exposed and facing the woman approaching. That is when it all went down hill...I peed my pants a little from laughing so hard (yes, I totally admitted that on the internet for all to see). Dan was just shaking his head, mortified at this spectacle. He retrieved Nick and helped him pull his pants up. Oh! Did I mention that Danny was climbing grave stones while all this was going on? Yes, he certainly was.

So although I am 150% certain my daughter was watching and got a laugh and a half out of the show we put on there are oh so many reasons why this was so VERY wrong:

1. Nick was bare assed and peeing in a cemetery.
2. I was rolling around in the grass laughing in the cemetery.
3. Danny was climbing gravestones.
4. I peed my pants!

That's really enough...there are so many other reasons but God, I am just really too embarrassed to keep going. Fun stuff though. I have warned you all before...our family is NOT normal! When telling my girls upon their return about this adventure not one of them was very surprised...really? NOT normal I tell you!

Stay tuned for more funny cemetery stories and if you were the woman at the cemetery trying to pay your respects to your loved one while all of this side show action was taking place I sincerely apologize for our actions! LMAO!

Puppy Chow - A Perez Party of Eight favorite!!

This is a treat that disappears very quickly in our home:

1 box (14oz) Crispex cereal
1 bag (12 oz) milk chocolate chips
2 C. peanut butter
3 C powdered sugar
1/2 C butter

In a medium saucepan melt butter and add peanut butter, melt together and then add chocolate chips. Make sure the mixture is completely melted together and pour over your cereal. Once you have coated your cereal you can either use a large bowl or brown paper bag to sprinkle powdered sugar over the cereal mixture and shake to coat well.

Serve and enjoy!

My husband actually puts his in a bowl with milk and eats it like cereal. I'm a little grossed out by that! :)

Beef Stroganoff

1-2lbs of beef stew meat
2 T. Olive Oil
2 lg. cans Cream of Mushroom Soup (I use the low fat/low sodium variety)
1 1/2 C Milk
2 packets of Onion Soup Mix
1-2 containers of sliced mushrooms
1 tsp each salt and pepper
1 container of Light Sour Cream

Brown stew meat on the stove top using the olive oil and seasoning with salt and pepper
In crock pot add cream of mushroom soup, milk and onion soup mix stir well. Add mushrooms and browned beef and mix together so meat is all covered in soup mixture.
Cook in crock pot on low setting for up to eight hours. The longer you cook the more tender the meat becomes.

Shortly before you are ready to serve add sour cream and stir in well. Serve mixture over egg noodles, any pasta you prefer or mashed potatoes.

Great on a cool day!

Ry Day Friday - The Cabin

Our family is preparing for our trip "up North" to my brother-in-law's cabin in Northern MN. We made this trip as an entire family with them for the first time last year and fortunately they weren't completely scared off and so we are making a run for the lake again next week. Last year wasn't the first year that I've been to the cabin though because for a number of years Maryah, Morgan and I would travel there with my sister and her family when it was just the three of us.

The first year James (my BIL) invited us he went all out (well, he really goes all out all the time he really is a most gracious host). He planned our drive up and a couple of stops along the way. We stopped at the "new" Paul Bunyon Land (for any of you that are from MN you understand that the original PBL was in Brainerd and is now in a new location, therefore...new). This stop was special because he had called ahead and there was this great sign that was welcomed Maryah and Paul Bunyon "spoke" to her and she was all excited and laughing and smiling the entire time. The kids had a blast and I was beside myself with joy.
We made it to the lake and the kids were immediately in the water either swimming or fishing or ready to go tubing behind the boat at all times.

We made a trip to Moon Dance Park which is unfortunately no longer there but the kids got to feed the deer, ride the go-carts, ride ponies, see other small farm animals, play at the playground, etc. This again brought many smiles. There were bonfires, smores, boat rides and sunset pontoon rides and never a moment that we weren't in complete glory. It was truly a gift to the three of us when we were going through some very hard times. My sister and her husband never failed to jump at an opportunity to help me and to help my girls feel a greater sense of family and helping us smile a ton even if just a weekend at a time. They took many opportunities to spend time and really try to bring happiness. James invited us yet again as a family to join them for a vacation after losing Maryah. He knew somehow that this would be a piece to helping our family heal and he was right. The kids had SO much fun and everything they did I could see Maryah in each of them and hear her laughter resonate through theirs. So we will venture up to the cabin again and spend time remembering these cherished memories and making some new ones as well. It's amazing how healing it is for me and I think for the kids too.

No matter the cost, no matter the time or energy my brother-in-law and my sister have always been there and have always jumped at the chance to be part of my life, to be part of my kids lives and to a strong and present force in our lives even when I wasn't strong enough to ask. There will never be a time in my life or my kids lives that they do not remember their fun memories of spending time with Uncle Nums and Auntie Jo Jo.

So this post has ended up being a little more about Jo and James than about Maryah but in the grand scheme of things it is really because of them that after my divorce and through Maryah's illness they were my rock and no matter the distance, no matter the cost (personal or financial) they kept me afloat when I needed it the most. I love them with all of my heart and soul and I could never thank them enough.

WARNING: Excessive Amounts of Pictures Attached!!!


Enjoy some pictures of times we've spent at the the cabin:

Paul Bunyon Land

Uncle James, Shayna, Auntie Jo, Ry, Mo, Dorian

Dorian, Maryah, Mo, Shayna, Mom

Maryah and Dorian

Mo and Ry

Ry and Uncle James on the go-carts

Fishing

Golf cartin'!

Fixin' lunch for the beach

Arielle, Dorian, Mo, Shayna, Ry

Mom, Ry and Mo

Shayna, Ry, Mo, Dorian, Arielle

Sunset Pontonn Ride (Ry and Dorian)

Sisters!!!

One of my all time favs!

Ry and Auntie Jo

Enjoying the wind in our hair (ha!)

Fun boat ride!

Uncle James, Ry and Auntie Jo enjoying a summer day!

Sissy and James

Terrible Two, Tiresome Three and then there's Flippin' FOUR!!!

As a new mom I received a lot of advice from other mothers regarding everything from how long to nurse, which bottles were best, stomach or back to sleep and the best brand of diapers to buy. There was welcome advice and the advice that you just nod and smile and think "would you mind just shutting the hell up?" and so...not all advice was appreciated but...the advice that WOULD have been appreciated would have been "Hey have you heard that after the terrible twos and threes there is this entirely different and horrible and nightmarish phase called the friggin' FOURS?" Now, that would have been something good to know!
Somewhere along the line these little beings that are dependent on you for every last little thing suddenly decide they are completely I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T and God can only help you should you get in their way, tell them no or much worse that it is time for bed!
Nicholas has been gearing up for his big fourth year now for a bit so he has been easing me into the pain of it all and truthfully I am already beginning to find more grey hair. Rather than plucking them I have resorted to ripping much of my hair out (I lied honey...all that hair you find in the bathroom isn't because I'm getting old or because of hormones as I age. It isn't really falling out, I've ripped it all out). Kidding but in all seriousness I have resorted to begging my fantabulous mother-in-law to take Nick and Danny at least one weekend day/night per month so Dan and I can regain our composure as parents. I have NO idea what I would do without her eager willingness to help.
Every last thing is a battle from eating vegetables to going to bed. Every toy has to go on the counter or some other high location so that "Danny can't get it". There is NO sharing, there is NO reasoning and trying to convince Nick it is a good idea to eat supper is completely irrational.
I think the only thing that saves the boys life is that on some weekends when Danny goes down for a nap I can convince (bribe) Nick to lay down with me and read, sing and possibly even nap for an hour or so. It's heavenly and when I can watch his angelic little face while he sleeps I am reminded that I truly love his spirit and his craziness. Apparently when boys turn eight some of this will stop...only FOUR more years to go. Dear Lord help me!

Nicholas now that you are four:
You love all things Cars
You love to go in the pool but only on the top steps and love to splash your sisters
You love old cars and tractors and work trucks, "snorts" and bulldozers
You love to build with your Dad and cannot stand if he goes into the garage without you
You love "your" green truck and every chance you can get you will "take a ride"
You are beginning to share certain things with Danny
Danny is getting big enough to get mad at you and tries to pull you around
You love chocolate milk, yogurt, chicken, shrimp and bell peppers
You love spicy food and will eat it like it doesn't phase you
You love to be tucked in tight at night "like a burrito"
You follow your sisters everywhere they go and when they have to go to other parents houses  you are sad and are always looking for them
You always talk about your sister Ryah
You are becoming more brave
You love to mow the lawn behind your Dad
You always give me a kiss but only if I ask and you don't kiss anyone but me (I love that)
You have the most amazing blue eyes but they are starting to get a little bit of green/brown around the pupil now.
You weigh 46lbs and wear 5T clothes
For your birthday dinner you wanted Hot Dogs, Corn Dogs, Shrimp, French Fries and a Spiderman cake and we had all of the above (no veggies)
You do NOT like to get your clothes wet in the rain, at the sink or any other way
You are very excited to go to school next year

I will be anxious to see how you have changed next year. Happy Birthday Bud!

Human Resources...the good, the bad and really friggin' ugly!

About 15 years ago I was working in Customer Service and sort of found myself working in more of an HR capacity. Eventually I began working completely in HR Management and have now found myself out of Corporate America working as an HR Director in a medium-size Long Term Care center in small town, MN.

On this journey I have met and learned from SO many great people and equally so many horrible people. Human Resources is a just that, being a resource to the humans that make up your work force. This is a very customer service related field and so over time I have learned the art of bull shit. It's the first course they teach when majoring in HR...Bullshit 101.

I have also learned the great art of timing from one of my greatest mentors in the business world. As an antsy 19 year old it wasn't my greatest strength as you can imagine. My "I want to get answers now" and it doesn't matter what you are doing or that you have your office door closed or a phone coming out of the side of your head...me, me, me, me, me, me! It IS all about me isn't it? HA! That's a laugh!

After timing I learned how to survive in the good ol' boys club including smoking cigars and working in an environment that felt more like a locker room rather than an office. This experience included getting hit with a soft ball a golf ball, drinking beer in our offices on Friday afternoons with our clients, watching as my male counterparts used their empty Mt. Dew bottles as a spitune and talked about T&A like I wasn't really a "girl". That didn't stop until the "evil new girl" showed up, complained to corporate and put an immediate HALT to the bad behavior in lieu of a law suit.

None-the-less I learned a lot about being a solid business woman, about about being sold out and how to come back from that, about respecting others even when I don't care for them, about having fun at work and still getting the job done well. I am grateful for my corporate America experiences but also very grateful they are over.

Moving into a nursing home setting was SO different and really gets me out of my "big business" mode and into the worlds of these wonderful elderly folks that I work with/for every day. There are so many rewards to working as HR in a nursing home. For instance, where else can you do a job you completely love all while watching a petite elderly woman with dementia run right past you and out of the front door of your building, fall and when you go to rescue her she asks "Didn't you see it?" "See what?" "The bus that just went by that said FREE SEX on the side?" I mean c'mon...now that's just funny I don't care who you are, not the falling but the bus and her running after it of course!

How about the little woman who is in the room next door doing therapy and when the the Therapist asks her "Do you have any children?" and she screams (because she is hard of hearing) "I DON'T KNOW! YOU'LL HAVE TO ASK MY DAUGHTER!". Yet another is when a resident is being cared for and cleaned up and she lifts up a breast only to look at the caregiver with a straight face and state "These were some pretty good lunchwagons in their day!". Seriously...it's some funny stuff!

It really is a pleasure and a lot of fun to work in this field. I enjoy it thoroughly for many reasons.
I really only question my choice in career when I come in contact with this group of 20 somethings that act as if they are entitled the world. They act as if they can do no wrong and that what they say is the most important thing in the world. These complacent, mildly lazy, hand me a paycheck for doing as little as possible assholes! I can handle being told I have a stick up my ass and being told I am a bitch or whatever else they wish to say on FB, in the break room, wherever but I can't get past the fact that these 20 somethings are so certain they have it all figured out. I don't recall every behaving this way as a 20 something myself but if I did I shall apologize right this minute for my VERY poor judgment and bad behavior.

When and where are these folks going to be dished their share of humble pie? And may I shove it down there throat with a spoon please? I'm sorry that you have looked at this job that pays you double+ minimum wage and have decided you are too good for it. If you would like to do something else please take advantage of the thousands of dollars we give in scholarships each year and DO SOMETHING with yourself...oh wait! What? You don't want to better yourself and you want to just sit and complain and blame everyone else because you are lazy, ignorant and too self-important...oh I'm sorry...I shouldn't have bothered to try and help you!

Please let me save you the trouble of wasting your time interviewing with me. If you haven't learned anything from your parents or their generation, or the generation before them about work ethic, going above and beyond, helping others regardless of self-sacrifice...please...don't apply!

A note to all up and coming 20 somethings: You do NOT know it all! You should take time to learn from previous generations. You need to learn how to be excellent at customer service (BS 101) and learn to fake it 'till you make it! If you cannot be respectful (even if you disagree) you have no place in the workforce. Learn to be humble and introspective, it's not always someone else's fault that your life sucks! Earn your paycheck. You do not have to like everyone you work with but you must get along with them enough to get the job done without a problem. Smile, suck it up and WORK.

With that said I am proud to have come from a family of hard working individuals. I am proud that I am a hard working individual. I am proud of my accomplishments but I will never ever forget that I have SO much more to learn and that everyone around me has something to teach me...enough that I should never be so arrogant as to think I am better than or superior to any of these 20 somethings. Maybe, just maybe there is one whom I can teach and help as others have done for me in my years past.

As I write this I realize that I have suddenly gotten older and all those things that the adults before me said...it was all true! Thank you God for my teachers!

Ry Day Friday - No words...

Today is a tough day, well... let's not beat around the bush every day is a tough day but some days are a little easier to put a smile on and get through.

Today I will just share some of my favorite pictures of my girl with you:

Women's Guild Fashion Show

 Fierce

 Nik and Justin's Wedding

 Father/Daughter Dance

 Bucket List Tattoo

 The infamous cell phone

 Game Night

 Apple Orchard

 Lovin' little brother Nicky Boy

 Saturday Morning Laughs! This is what I live for!

 Kaitlyn, Ry and Mom

 "No goodbyes, just see you later!"

 Maryah embraces all of Gods gifts in her life

 Time with new baby brother Danny...she waited for your bubba!

 Danny's Baptism - May 8, 2010

 Maryah Therese @ 5 days old

 Mom, Ry (9), Mo (3) - September 2003

 Nauset Beach, Cape Cod 1995 (Ry 18 mos)

Not the same

If there were anything I could try to explain to folks that we know that have never lost a child it would simply be...we will not be the same...we will in fact never be the same as we were prior to May 15, 2010. We are completely different people with an entirely new outlook on life and an entirely new set of priorities.

There are many that seem to be "waiting" for something to snap or for some signal that we will return to "our old selves" and I must let you know that whatever you are waiting for will never happen.

We are forever changed and as much as sometimes we miss our "old", "normal" selves we won't be going back to that.

There are many friendships that do not withstand the loss of child. Hell there are many relationships/marriages that do not withstand this loss. Fortunately it has drawn Dan and I closer and it has helped for Zach and I to better co-parent Morgan as well.

It's so apparent at times that people are hoping and waiting for us to be our old selves and I am here to let you know that it's not going to be the way it was so I hope for those of you that feel strongly enough you will understand and continue to be our friends in this new life of ours. I can only assure you that it will be like an entirely new and different friendship and it is okay if you decide that this new friendship is not for you. We understand, we empathize and we realize the differences too but we are not sorry for them, we cannot be made to feel guilty about them and we have embraced these differences/changes to be part of our life without Maryah's physical presence.

Please do not mistake these changes as an intentional rudeness or alienation it just simply is who we are and forever will be going forward. I am only sorry that you may feel hurt feelings or misunderstanding of what it truly is.

Just know that some days we long deeply for the way "it used to be" too and it is equally a hard loss for us as well.

We are ever appreciative of our friends and folks that have shown much love and support. I can never ever thank you and show that appreciation enough. We fully understand the depth of your giving and how if not for many of you we wouldn't be where we are today. I hope you also understand that with these changes to our inner being that we have never lost that appreciation or love for all of you.

Thank you for reading, for trying to understand and to get a glimpse of our family today.

Ry Day Friday - "Dicks and Balls"

As I promised on Fridays I will share a new story about Maryah. I continue to think of many of the funny stories and this story in particular is one of my absolute favorites.

On a spring night just over two years ago Maryah had been upstairs in her bedroom. It was getting to be about 9:00 p.m. and Dan and I had gone to our room to watch an episode of The West Wing. Maryah text me from upstairs just to say "hi" and so after a few text messages back and forth I finally asked her what was "up" because she seemed a bit sad. She divulged that she had some hurt feelings over a boy and so I invited her to come down and "snuggems" with me (this is what we called snuggling from the time she was able to speak). A few moments later she was downstairs sitting in bed with Dan and me and we were talking about boys and how they get an extra dose of "dumb syndrome" genes that make them do "dumb" things to hurt girls feelings even though it's mostly non-intentional (if they only knew that "dumb MAN syndrome" is so much worse).

Anyway after a few laughs Maryah decided she was in need of some junk food therapy and her favorite junk food at the time was Dibs (you know the little pop in your mouth ice cream bon-bon type things). So...she gave Dad the sad puppy look and of course he was off to the store in seconds in hopes of helping our little girls heart mend through enormous amounts of chocolate and crap food!

When he returned he had several varieties of Dibs amongst other things like chips and chocolate (he SO totally understands the sweet/salty cravings). We all sat watching West Wing and eating Dibs when Maryah started laughing hysterically and snorting and rolling around attempting not to pee her pants. She finally caught a breath and stated "DICKS AND BALLS" and pointed to the Dibs. This is apparently what she and her friend (who shall remain nameless, cough, cough...Morgan C.) came up with for a name for the Dibs. Now, this is really funny mainly because my young teenage daughter was sitting in bed with her mother and step-father rolling around laughing as she is repeating the phrase "dicks and balls, dicks and balls...bahahhahahahahaha...dicks and balls!" Totally inappropriate for most conversations between parent and child but NOOOOOOO not in our house...it's all fair game and this particular night, knowing she needed cheering up made her laughter the sweetest thing I had ever heard.

To this day I will laugh hysterically when I see Dibs in the store...Dicks and Balls!