Boys Are Gross

I do not ever recall when my daughters were toddlers and pre-schoolers that they had snot running down their face, that they picked their nose and ate it, that they would fart and laugh hysterically, that they fought over trucks and tractors and hit each other or tackled one another when they didn't get their way. I don't recall the girls screaming like they were being murdered when a toy was taken from them or for no damn reason at all!

I must say that as cute and lovable as my two little men can be they are absolute terrorists and I wish to God the screaming would stop. It is enough to make me bleed from my eardrums. Good LORD what is a mother to do but retreat to the nearest loony bin and request a 72 hour hold!?!

Everything is SO different, never mind that they have penises but when I say "don't touch your penis Nick" and he responds "I'm not mom I'm just tickling myself" I realize they really are BOYS, just gross boys!

Motherhood is not for pussies let me tell you right now. This shit can make even the toughest human being on earth retreat crying and pleading for their life...or at least for some peace and quiet.

I would like to think I'm amazing and super but I am just a crazy woman who decided that having SIX children would be beautiful and wonderful adventure, that it would be fulfilling with all of it's challenges and also happiness...this is NOT Little House on the fucking Prairie (sorry Melissa). I am NOT Ma and Dan is certainly NOT Pa and if we lived in that era I would likely have had a bottle of moon shine hiding in the barn under a bale of hay. Today...I just drink a Mike's Hard Lemonade and call it a day. I don't recover well if I drink more than a couple. I'm getting old! Maybe that's the problem...I was YOUNG when I had the girls. Now, I'm old and my hearing is so much more sensitive and my patience is GONE and I am failing miserably at chasing after these little buggers. I gag when I see one of them eat boogers and I cannot understand why in the hell it so damn funny to fart at the dinner table or when someone says boobs!

Then I look at these pictures of my handsome boys and I remember that underneath all the snot and bad behavior they are really pretty great! I love you Nicky and Danny!