Boys Are Gross

I do not ever recall when my daughters were toddlers and pre-schoolers that they had snot running down their face, that they picked their nose and ate it, that they would fart and laugh hysterically, that they fought over trucks and tractors and hit each other or tackled one another when they didn't get their way. I don't recall the girls screaming like they were being murdered when a toy was taken from them or for no damn reason at all!

I must say that as cute and lovable as my two little men can be they are absolute terrorists and I wish to God the screaming would stop. It is enough to make me bleed from my eardrums. Good LORD what is a mother to do but retreat to the nearest loony bin and request a 72 hour hold!?!

Everything is SO different, never mind that they have penises but when I say "don't touch your penis Nick" and he responds "I'm not mom I'm just tickling myself" I realize they really are BOYS, just gross boys!

Motherhood is not for pussies let me tell you right now. This shit can make even the toughest human being on earth retreat crying and pleading for their life...or at least for some peace and quiet.

I would like to think I'm amazing and super but I am just a crazy woman who decided that having SIX children would be beautiful and wonderful adventure, that it would be fulfilling with all of it's challenges and also happiness...this is NOT Little House on the fucking Prairie (sorry Melissa). I am NOT Ma and Dan is certainly NOT Pa and if we lived in that era I would likely have had a bottle of moon shine hiding in the barn under a bale of hay. Today...I just drink a Mike's Hard Lemonade and call it a day. I don't recover well if I drink more than a couple. I'm getting old! Maybe that's the problem...I was YOUNG when I had the girls. Now, I'm old and my hearing is so much more sensitive and my patience is GONE and I am failing miserably at chasing after these little buggers. I gag when I see one of them eat boogers and I cannot understand why in the hell it so damn funny to fart at the dinner table or when someone says boobs!

Then I look at these pictures of my handsome boys and I remember that underneath all the snot and bad behavior they are really pretty great! I love you Nicky and Danny!

Mom Emerson's Lasagna

Please feel free to send me your recipes and I will be more than happy to add them to the Perez, Party of Eight Recipe collection!

1 Pkg. No Cook Lasagna Noodles (my mother would have been ecstatic had they come out with these while she was still living)
2 C. Shredded Parmesean Cheese
4 C. Shredded Mozarella
2 large cans Tomato Puree
1/4 C. Italian Seasoning (if you use the dried pre-mixed kind) OR basil, oregano, garlic powder, onion salt
1/8 C. Sugar
2 lbs. Ground Beef (lean)
1 small/medium yellow onion
1 T. minced garlic
1 container Ricotta (optional)

Brown ground beef adding onion at the end just until tender (rinse any excess fat/grease)
Add Tomato puree and then fill each can about 1/2 to 3/4 full and add water, add spices, garlic, sugar and mix well.

Smear about 1/2 C. of sauce on the bottom of a glass or metal lasagna pag (spray with Olive Oil PAM if you wish to prevent sticking).
Layer the no-cook lasagna noodles to cover the bottom of the pan, layer the noodles with 1. Sauce (thin layer), parmesean, mozarella (making sure you save enough of these to spread on at least two more layers).

Layer more noodles and follow the above steps for as many layers as you can fit. Save the majority of your mozarella for the top of the lasagna.

If you wish to add ricotta spread this on the noodles before the sauce for each layer.

Cover the pan with aluminum foil.
Bake at 350 degrees F. for approximately 40 minutes, remove the foil and let the cheese get golden for approximately another 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and let sit for 15 minutes before cutting/serving.

Serve with garlic bread (we love Cole's Texas Toast or Peppridge Farm mozarella garlic bread)
and a vegetable salad with non or low fat Italian dressing.

Makes about 10 servings

Where O' Where Have You Gone?

This past week my daughter had a program at school where they presented their State projects in their classroom and then proceeded to the "commons" where they performed the song "Fifty Nifty United States". This was some performance might I add. I love attending programs for my kids at school. It's always a good reminder that they will not always be this young and certainly will not always be so excited when I show my face in their school.

During the program Morgan came to me and asked if I would talk to one of her new friend's mom about a sleepover this weekend. It was really too late even if I had wanted to say "no" because the mom was within ear shot of us now and I had no choice. This is fine however since I was going to be having a girls night with my dear friends and I wouldn't be home to enjoy her company any how. One less kid for Dan to feed and take care of while I was out. So, I proceeded to approach the mom whom I had never met. Everything was fine, I looked past the fact that she smelled of stale cigarette smoke, I looked past the fact that her husband looked like a complete creeper. I should have trusted my better judgment.
Let me preface the rest of this post with the note that my children couldn't care less that I write a blog and will not read this so I do not fear that the other child will get word of my "judgments" and I am absolutely certain after this weekend that the mom I am referring to will not know how to find this blog on the internet.

I am certain that upon reading this any mom I know would understand and appreicate my rant about basic parenting skills here today.

So, on with the story. I agreed to a sleepover and giving this mother a chance before making my mind up so quickly. She came to pick up Morgan at our house Friday evening. Upon leaving the house and walking down the drive I could hear her talking about the movies she rented which included Justin Beiber and The Roomate. I yelled after Morgan reminding her that she is NOT allowed to watch R rated movies and so thinking the mother would take heed at that point. She continued walking gave me a quick smile and wave when I yelled again to remind Morgan to call me right when she got there so I had the telephone number on the caller id for Dan and I. I also reminded her to call me at 9:00 a.m. Saturday so we could arrange a pick up in the morning. The mom and Morgan assured me these two things would happen.

Now, the evening comes and goes and Morgan hasn't called. I am silly enough to have let her go without getting the number written down before they left (I had an Electrician in the house and a few other balls in the air so I trusted the ten year old to do my job for me - never again)!
The next morning there is no phone call, not at 9:00 a.m., not at 10:00 a.m, no not at 11:00 a.m. either. This is when we needed to leave to meet Dan's family for lunch. We proceeded to lunch thinking "she'll call my cell phone when she doesn't get through", only the call never came. At 1:00 p.m. I had to have my husband try and recall from a past b-day party where this girl's mother lived. Thankfully he did and we went to retrieve our daughter.

I had to ask Dan to go in and get her since I was steaming by the time we got there. First of all what was MORGAN thinking? Next...what in the hell was this mother thinking!?!?!?! Any one of my children's friends comes to spend the night and they are both going to call as their parents have asked them to and if their parents didn't ask them to I am going to make them call home to check in by 9:00 a.m. anyway! This is just common, parenting 101 right? Am I crazy? Isn't this just courtesy?

When Dan and Morgan emerged and they both stunk of cigarette smoke and Dan had a look of shock on his face it was then I decided that all the experts are correct. If you do not know what type of environment your children's friends live in...FIND OUT! The mother left her daughter and Morgan home with the step-father and didn't mention having to go to work at all. I would have changed my mind or atleast made sure the sleep over took place in our home.

Unfortunately Morgan will not be going to this house again. Sleepovers with this friend will only take place at our house. I now understand why you really must have a good idea of what your children's friends home lives are like before you allow your child to spend time in their house.

I know this is a bit of a controversial post but I hope I strike a cord with my fellow mommies and daddies out there. Do some digging...who knows...it might make all the difference. Morgan was not in mortal danger but her lungs were affected and she DID watch the R rated movie because they LET them! Ugh! I'm just so disappointed by this event.

No apologies for seeming judgmental here...this is what we, as parents worry about. It's not okay for our kids to go into houses where they are exposed to things that we do not allow them to be exposed to in our own home. I will spare you the remainder of Dan's description of the home but know that it played a large part in how we will handle things going forward.

I am still learning and each time something like this happens I learn more about how to handle things and what exactly to do, like get the phone number up front, make sure you have gotten to know the parents not just the child, know where the home they are going to is located and what time you will be picking up/dropping off before hand. These all seem basic but you have to remember after years of parenting a sick child I am just learning how to parent a child with no health limitations. I'm a little scared, I must admit!

It's a tough world out there and we need to keep our eyes and ears open at all times.

Ry Day Fridays - When you should cry really loud.

Maryah, otherwise known as "Ry" since she was a little girl is the center of the post today. Along with the change in look I changed Maryah's blog day to Friday rather than Tuesday. This is where I will share funny and cute stories about Ry.

One of my favorite and funniest memories of Maryah post-cancer diagnosis was when she had surgery to remove a tumor during her second recurrence of Ewing's. This particular tumor was on her head (front skull top of forehead and front of hair line). She had it removed and had a titanium plate put in place where the skull piece had been removed. The surgery was uneventful and she did quite well. Her incision looked great and her head was in perfect form with no noticable changes.

After the surgery they kept a drainage tube just under the skin of her forehead (if you have a week stomach stop here). It ran from one side of the forehead to the other and the tube hung to about waist level with a small ball on the end to collect excess fluids to keep her from swelling, etc.

Now, this looked REALLY flippin' gross and it was hard for me to look at (and I have a REALLY strong stomach). Mostly it was covered by a bandage and it was only in for a couple of days.  When it was time to remove the tube the neuro surgeon came in. Let me stop for a moment and give you some background, we have a very dark sense of humor in our family, we had to develop this in order to get through this battle with cancer and all that came with it. I hope none of the humor offends and that you can remember we aren't insane we just have to find the humor in EVERY situation in order to keep sane. So...Dr. Pastrami (this is what we named him) didn't have a great sense of humor, he was all business. Maryah could sense this about him so it made her feel a little awkward but she kept true to her own sense of humor.

Dr. Pastrami grabbed the tube and began to slowly remove it. I had to turn away to avoid puking everywhere and Maryah began crying REALLY loudly. I was mortified for the pain she must have had to endure. Oh my goodness, it was horrible.

The procedure finished and Dr. P left the room. Maryah quickly stopped crying and I was hugging her and telling her how sorry I was that it hurt and how awful I felt. She soaked it up for a minute or two before she looked at me and said "Mom, I'm okay...I had to cry really loud because I had to fart and I didn't want Dr. P to hear it!".

The tears were flowing now, because I couldn't stop laughing. This was a typical day at the hospital with Ry!

Happy RyDay!

Sleepless Nights and The Dukes of Hazard

I'm not sure if anyone has watched or enjoyed The Dukes of Hazard as a kid (or an adult). I did. I watched the show religiously and it was one of my favorites as a youngster.

Recently my husband purchased a new Smart phone. He loves gadgets and he LOVES ringtones. He has spent an unimaginable amount of time looking for the whistle theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...he finally found it and he is crazy excited to have this unique ringtone. Although he is a quiet and reserved kind of guy he sure does like to show his individuality in these simple little ways.

This leads me to The Dukes. Dan found a ringtone to use for his notifications, you know, like e-mails and text, etc. It's the horn from the General Lee (Bo and Luke Duke's car). As I said, if you ever watched you know exactly the horn I am referring to. When he first played it for me I thought "how cool" and "I love it". NOT ANYMORE!

I'm sure most of you know that computer generated e-mails from businesses all get sent in the middle of the night. Well...this is where the sleepless nights piece comes into play.

My darling husband has a really poor memory and although I have asked he forgets to turn his ringer down or off before he retires for the night.

So at 2:00, 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. when I am startled awake because Bo and Luke Duke are driving through my bedroom I curse him!

As a mother of many I generally wake up when one of their blankets falls to the floor so imagine my surprise to hear a car horn roaring through the silence of the night.

Dear Lord...one day I might have the opportunity to sleep through the night. Until then I dream of how when I am dead and gone my family might etch the words "Finally peace and quiet" on my tombstone.

Joy

At some point in our life we realize that finding joy is in the simple things. It has been cumulative incidents throughout my life that have brought me to a place in time and space where I can find pure joy in very simple things.

When I was young my mother was ill for the most of my childhood and I loved her so deeply so it hurt but I remember clearly that my mother smiled through most of life's ups and downs and laughed at every chance she got. I was sixteen when she passed and I realized it was she who began my lessons on joy. After my stupid high school years where I thought I knew it all, hurt some people, partied a little too hard and blew off my private school education for a little too long I realized through the new knowledge that I was going to become a mom before my senior year was over that I should look back to the joy that I had been taught and draw from it to get through what would surely be a year of growth. I found out again that I was pretty smart, didn't need to party to have fun and that family brought those smiles and laughs that create joy.

I had Maryah just two weeks before my graduation. It brought me joy to see her pink ruffled dress and bloomers as I passed her walking down the long aisle of the St. Paul cathedral to receive my diploma.

 Later  when I was working for a large company and traveling for business, learning my independence and how to  really be a responsible adult I found joy in my work and my friendships.

Then there was Morgan, my second baby girl who added to my life experiences, teaching me even more about motherhood and work/life balance.

After an 11 year relationship with my high school sweetheart I found myself divorced and clueless about life. I searched for that independence I worked so hard at in the years past, I searched for happiness and I found it in my daughters. They filled my heart and we spent countless hours together playing at the park, having movie and pizza nights, spending time with my sister and family. Those are the days I remember that helped me find pure joy again.

Shortly there after our world got flipped upside down with Maryah's cancer diagnosis. She was only nine years old and that joy...well it disappeared for a bit. I couldn't muster it if I tried my hardest. Cancer is the worst form of asshole (and that's putting it mildly)! I couldn't believe how it could rip my heart into pieces in a matter of seconds. Ultimately, however it is what ended up bringing joy back to the surface by bringing us even closer together. There were lessons to be learned in how NOT to take life for granted, and really, not just saying it but NOT taking it for granted.
Through doctors appointments, hospitalizations, surgeries, procedures, ER visits and other scary, heart wrenching moments we still found joy in the simple things. My Big Fat Greek Wedding, swearing in front of grandma and knowing we could get away with it, holidays in a small hospital room where our family delivered us a meal fit for royalty, quiet naps, hugs, kisses, hand holding, shopping, pedicures, manicures, and many, many other things that we found that joy through.

Of course during this time we met my husband Dan and my "bonus daughters", Tori and Libby. In adding to our family and the fun that we all had together we found joy. There was a wedding, there was the birth of two awesome little boys that added pure, crazy chaos to our family, all of which brought joy.

Maryah passed but in her transition from this life to her eternal life she found joy. She made a "bucket list" and she accomplished most all of it. She traveled to the mountains and the ocean on a private jet with her Dad, sister and best friend. She went on a real date, she went to prom, she got her nails done regularly, she shopped until every last penny was spent. She and her sister spent her birthday on the internet having a shopping spree and then sent me to the mall to pick up EVERYTHING they had picked out! I came back to hospice center where she was staying with over 12 bags from different stores on my arms. It was a joyful day, the day she turned sweet sixteen!
On May 15th, on year ago today at this very minute I held Maryah as she took her last breath and her golden heart stopped beating. It was joyful to watch her leave the body that was bringing her pain and struggle and transition into her life in heaven where she was free to dance and spend her eternal life with those that had gone before her.

Today, as I watch my oldest son following his daddy around the back yard with his toy mower and smell the fresh cut grass, watch my girls giggle with anticipation as they begin the process of opening the pool for the summer, watch the sun shine down on all of us and remember all these moments and SO many more in my life....I remember my JOY! It is huge, it is pure and I hope to share it so much throughout my life that everyone around me will remember it and live it daily.

EnJOY this day!

Wordless Wednesday - Sort Of

Danny looks how I feel today, sort of like "whatever" I'm just here for the show...
Happy Wednesday!

Dance Mania...Week Two

It is the start of week #2 of dance mania. Last week was two nights of pictures, eight+ costume changes, hair make-up all while children turned into the spawns of satan. Children in my family who NEVER whine were whining and crabby and tired and giving me the "why are you yelling at me" with tears in their eyes. Never mind I did not raise my voice, lose my mind or pull out one piece of hair the entire time. That does not mean that not one other mom or child wasn't doing just that and my children just decided to unjustly blame ME!

Saturday was six hours of rehearsal and the only thing that made the day for me is that my husband who I still owe...something I'm sure came to take the three year old off my hands so he wouldn't lose his ever loving mind in the auditorium and there would be one less mother in the nut ward this weekend! Oh! And I got to see Maryah's BFF when she came to show me her prom dress and fabulous shoes...

Then we were on to dance, dance, dance. Up first was Nicholas who actually did some of his dance rather than standing and staring out into the audience.

And Libby did her Hip Hop routine

And Tori did her tap routine...this is the only tutu shot I got and I'm rather bummed that we have a blurry face.

Can you see the enthusiasm here?! I mean c'mon...we're lovin' life this morning!!!

Then we have Morgan's Hip Hop routine.

And Tori's Hip Hop as well (are we getting excited yet?)

Then we have Mo's tap/jazz number

And lyrical

Finally the last picture I have (trust me there are more) and will share today is

Tori's Jazz

My disclaimer of course: I love my children with all my heart and would change their costumes fifteen times a day and watch their dance routines one hundred but... I will be on my knees in praise and thanks when the dance season has ended. I am EXHAUSTED!

17th Birthday!!!

Today at 10:05 a.m. my precious baby, Maryah was born 17 years ago. She lit my world on fire the very moment she was put in my arms and the fire continues to burn bright. She carried my heart with her on her wings the day she danced home.

I can't find anything funny or clever to say tonight...just to tell you I can't stop the tears from flowing as I wish so hard I could look into hers just one more time to tell her how much I love her and how she forever changed my life.

Happy Birthday Maryah Therese Emerson-Tift. Happy 17th birthday! Oh how I miss you sweet girl. Mama loves you.

The Big Reveal is coming...

I have been working with Jenn at Munchkinland Designs to get the new blog design done and she is FANTASTIC! If you are looking for a blog make-over...she's your gal!

I am excited to get going on the install of the new design soon. Check back for a new post and an entirely new look!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Rachel