The Cement Pond

We have this pool in our back yard. It's pretty amazing because the kids have a blast, they WANT to stay home and hang out in the pool and even better their friends like coming over to swim. This helps in so many ways to be "involved" in the happenings of our children's lives plus we just have a little more control over how they are behaving! Love it!

This pool has been a source of joy for the children for a number of years. It has however been a source of great agony for poor Dan every single year! Several years back Dan spent multiple summer evenings swearing (loudly) in our back yard because the pool was not clear (again) or the pump wasn't working correctly, or because there was some other little way the pool would nickle and dime us to death. After that summer I decided that I would save through the winter months and I would hire a pool service company to come out weekly during the summer months/open pool months to check our chemicals and add more as necessary. I also bought Dan a new automatic pool vacuum that worked really well so he could avoid that chore as well.

Welllllllll...here I thought problem solved...right? HELL no! The following summer was pretty mello with minimal issues that Dan wasn't ready and willing to tackle because most days he didn't have to do anything with the beast! This summer however...well...let's just say...he's swearing again! For some unknown reason upon opening our pool mid-May it looked like one big large hole in the earth filled with dark green algae! OMG! I was frightened, it looked so bad. I proceeded to call the very nice and helpful service manager at our pool company and talked with him about this issue. The following Monday they came out for their routine weekly visit and they told us #1 our pump was shot, completely dead to the world. Here comes the first large bill for the pool and the first night of mild swearing. That same week they arrived at our home with a new state-of-the-art (ultra quiet and effecient/green) pool pump! Yay! They install, they leave a note (while we are working) that says something like this "need electrician pump runs on 240 and you have 110". WTF? I came home first and there in the door lies the note that will surely get the swearing started in full force!
I called the nice pool service manager again and we discussed that this is not something we had planned for and shouldn't they have known this before starting this installation and contacted us? He was very apologetic and assured me that their electrician would be to the house in 25 minutes to assess the "damage". Mark, the very lovely electrician, grandfather, pilot, helpful and nice all around kinda guy not only looks at the issue, decides it's easy to fix, proceeds to fix the issue and install a couple new breakers, wires, etc but he then finishes and looks at me and reports that I need to write him a check for the work!?!?! Ok...it' wasn't horrible but it was additional to the large pool bill #1 mentioned above! He leaves, I call Dan and yes...let the swearing commence! I knew it was coming so I had prepared!

New pump in, running, programmed...pool has been shocked to hell with enough chemicals to turn the dog orange if she is stupid enough to fall in again this year! We're on our way to clearing up the swamp in our back yard! Hot days in a cool pool...here we come! NOT!

The following week it is green, the chemicals keep going in. It's green, it's not clearing at all! It's not just green, it's so green it's black...ducks have landed in our friggin' pool because it's not really a pool it's part of a wildlife reserve! Seriously?

The next week...chemicals are fine the asshole pool service guy tells me. There is a lot of free chlorine and the pool shouldn't be green with the chemicals all balancing...are you fricking kidding me you SOB! It shouldn't be green? Aren't you the effin' POOL SERVICE MANAGER you dill hole?!?!? Shouldn't  you know WHY it's green?

Week three and they have been out from the pool company about one dozen times with a new bottle of chemicals each time. There is now radioactive material being exuded from our back yard. You must wear your HAZMAT suit to enter the area!

The incredibly stupid and arrogant pool service manager has now decided we should "floc" the pool. We do this, it settles some of the green crap to the bottom and Dan must now vacuum to waste and add more water. The next day...GREEN! We are now BOTH swearing!

We floc again and it settles some more crap to the bottom. Dan vacuums to waste and we wait...in the morning we run joyfully to the pool expecting blue, crystal clear waters! GREEN...yes...GREEN!

Yesterday they brought the "SUPER FLOC", this shit is sure to turn you orange and they have now taped off our neighborhood because no one can safely enter any longer.

We put this in, we let it sit for an hour, we turned the pump off and we went to bed. Today...most all the dark green crap is on the bottom of the pool. It's going to be vacuumed up tonight and God willing and the creek don't rise...we will have a clean pool.

All that said and done if it's not clear this week we will drain the son of a beep and start over. This will of course kill all wildlife within a 50 mile radius so please stay clear of our neighborhood. Our pool is green but we are not, absolutely not! Lord forgive us our sins!

For now, the cement pond stands alone, no laughing, screaming, splashing children enjoying the blue, cool waters just ducks!