Maryah's Tuesdays!

Disclaimer:

In an effort to be true to myself I must also write posts that include a HUGE part of me...my daughter, Maryah. These posts will sometimes be funny but most times they come at a time when my heart aches and I must write about her and share her with the world. If you don't feel up to tears...maybe check back another day! :) Thanks.

I have noticed in the world of blogging that there are many who "label" different days of the week. "Wordless Wednesdays, Post-It Tuesdays" and I like it. I have yet to figure out what each day will be but today I have decided that Tuesdays will be Maryah's day. I suppose that this is the case simply because today I am missing her more than the normal (which is A LOT).

I suppose most mommy blogs don't dedicate a day of each week to one of their kids only but this is a special case and I still need to write about Maryah because it is a very important part of my being.

Most of you following know Maryah and know her story well (www.caringbridge.org/mn/maryah). Some of you do not, so let me explain why Maryah gets a day of this blog all to herself. Maryah is my 16 (17 on May 7th) year old daughter. She was diagnosed at age nine with Ewing's Sarcoma. This is a rare form of bone cancer with no cure, no sure fire treatments and a poor prognosis. Although we were told we probably didn't have a lot of time, Maryah proved the medical professionals and all the doubters wrong. She lived for six and a half more joy filled, wonderful, full years before she passed away last May 15th. This is a kid who when the Oncologist told her she would die within months asked for a pen and paper to make a "bucket list" and let me tell you, it was quite the list. She accomplished almost every single item on it! What a kid!

Tonight I am sitting here late, unable to sleep because I miss her terribly and wish I could see her smile and hear her laugh about the stupid shit I write about on here. Only she knows the rest of the kids as well as Dan and I do. She made each of us better because she knew us so well.

So, a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine was discussing a co-worker who lost her son a few years back. She asked her son for a "penny from heaven". This woman got her penny, she was very excited. So, my friend did the same. She lost her son a couple of years ago and has been experiencing some rough times in life so she asked her son to do the same for her, send her a "penny from heaven". She got her penny and she shared these stories with tears in her eyes. She knew I would understand the great significance of this act. So...I thought out loud "Maryah, I KNOW you are with me every moment of every day but if you see fit could you please send me a "penny from heaven". Now, Maryah likes to mess with me, always has...so there was nothing...no friggin' penny and I was getting frustrated. Everyone else gets signs, everyone else sees her in dreams, whatever...why not me? Apparently she is still trying to help me learn patience. Two days later we were at the dance studio for a make-up class that Nick needed to attend. Dan and I were sitting in the exact same spot we always sit each week to watch the kids practice. It's where Maryah and I sat each time we visited the studio together when she wasn't dancing (which wasn't often). There is a small plastic bench facing the windows to the dance classroom. I occasionally use the window ledge to house my cup of coffee on Saturday mornings. After being there for a bit and talking to the teacher, talking to Dan, running my mouth...I looked over at the window ledge and there is was... a single penny. I snatched it up and Dan looked at me strangely and I tried to explain but I was so excited I couldn't quite get the story across without sounding mildly insane. MY PENNY! She sent me a PENNY. Just for me...Ry and Mom...forever and ever Amen!

I miss her so and I would give a gazillion pennies to hold her for even a moment more.

Mommy loves you baby girl...goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite...only the strawberry, chocolate and pumpkin ones!